I think Sekhmet wants more

I think I’m gonna have to step up my game.

I am very casual in my interactions with my gods, and they have always seemed happy with that. One of main reasons that I like these gods is because they’re so laid back.

But now Sekhmet is here, and I feel like she wants more formality in my interactions with her. First off, I tried to put down a flowery altar cloth, and got a big NOPE. I ended up using a plain cream colored altar cloth; that felt right. Later I switched it out with a plain green one, and that was also good. So I guess colors are fine as long as it’s something classy.

My other gods never complained about their colorful altar cloths. They’re festive!

Apparently that sort of thing is not Sekhmet’s style, or at least not what she wants from me. That’s okay, I can do things differently, and would be happy to, I’m just not sure how.

So I’m feeling a little bit lost now, because I honestly don’t know HOW to do formal. A cloth is easy to change, but being more formal in my actions? I don’t even know where to start with that. I think offerings are fine the way they are, but there are other things I need to work on. I’m trying to think of a form of address that’s more classy than “Hey, how are ya doing?” but not so stuffy or archaic that it would sound stupid coming out of my mouth.

I never expected this to come up, since all of the gods I’ve honored up until now have been ones who didn’t care about formalities. I’m in unfamiliar territory without a map…

I guess it’s time for some research and brainstorming.

ETA: The feeling I’ve been getting from her is not disapproving, nothing like that. What it is…it’s like she’s standing there looking at me like “Is that the best you can do?” Pushing for more without being unkind. There’s nothing wrong with how I do things, but there’s a definite push to take it up a notch.

Sekhmet

One year ago, I took charge of my life, based on some advice I got from Sekhmet. Best thing that ever happened to me. Shortly after that, I thanked her, and told her that I admire her greatly and appreciate what she did for me, but I don’t think we would work well together.

I don’t think she’s more intimidating than many other gods, so it’s not that. It’s that we have very different personalities, and just wouldn’t mesh. So I told her I like her but don’t want to work with her, and we went our separate ways.

And then at 4 am last night / this morning, as I’m trying to fall asleep, this happens:

random thought: hey, tomorrow is our anniversary.
me: um, it’s the anniversary of that event. It’s not “our anniversary”, we don’t have a relationship.
S: uh-huh.
me: …
me: shit it’s our anniversary and I have nothing planned.

(Once again, I don’t get words, I’m just translating impressions into words.)

In hindsight, I may have been getting hints for a week or two, but sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake.

Well. Normally I don’t care about anniversaries. Usually I don’t even know when they are, but in this case, seeing as it was such a life-changing event, I feel it deserves some recognition. Last minute planning, GO!

I feel like the odd one out among Sekhmet kids, when my reaction is “Okay, this is happening, let’s do this!” (as opposed to the resistance I see from everyone else) but it’s just the way I am.

The other thing I want to say is how much I am in awe of her. I didn’t want to work with her, didn’t think I could, so she left me alone to do my own thing for an entire y e a r. If that’s not patience I don’t know what is. I mean, I know a year is probably not very long for a deity, but when other people talk about this sort of thing, they always either get dragged in, or walk away. So while I have no doubt that gods could wait if they wanted to, it’s simply not something I ever hear about. But this was exactly what I needed, to know that we would get along.

And now I’m happy to have her in my life. It’s not even a matter of choosing; there’s nothing to choose, it’s already a done deal. It’s an interesting feeling, because on the one hand, this was kind of unexpected, but on the other hand I feel like, of course this is how is, how else would it be?

Dream update

In my previous post I mentioned that I’ve been working on dream recall, and have gotten nothing but bad dreams for almost a week. Well, last night I made it known (stated to no one in particular) that I need a break from the constant stressful stuff. I asked for good, or at least neutral dreams, and got them. Asking for good things often leads to good things happening 🙂

I had three short dreams. Technically they fall into the neutral category, since none of them seem particularly positive on the surface, but they all felt very good. For me, the underlying emotions, how I felt in the dream, are more important than what happened.

One example: I was looking for something and didn’t find it, but that was okay because I was fine without it. That might not seem very positive, seeing as I didn’t find what I was looking for, but the fact that I was fine either way, and was feeling good regardless of the results, that made it a very positive experience.

Persevering

This morning I woke up from a series of bad dreams. I’ve been trying to write down my dreams every morning, but I decided I didn’t want to write these ones down, didn’t want to give them any permanence. I spent the day on tumblr and wordpress, trying to outrun them. But in the end I thought, “I’m working on recall for a reason. I should write them down even if it’s unpleasant.” So I did that. I’ll probably thank myself later.

I hope tomorrow will be better. I’ve been having bad dreams all week, all related to problems I’m having irl.

There are other things (good things!) I have been wanting to write about, but I just don’t have the energy right now.