I wanted to post an update but was too tired to write it up last night.

First of all, I stopped worrying about doing more for Loki, so that’s good. I got several helpful suggestions, and I’m going to try some things, but I don’t feel like I have to do stuff.

What I really want is to have more of a connection. When I have things to talk about, that’s probably the biggest thing that helps me build connections. But I haven’t had much to talk about lately, so that’s been an issue. I’m going to try writing and see if that works better.

I liked physical offerings because that gave me something to do even if I had nothing to talk about. The music suggestion was especially helpful as an alternative or additional thing I can do.

So yesterday, we listened to some music, and that was fun. I was just sitting on my bed with the laptop, but it kind of felt like a party. I was also suddenly feeling playful, and there was lots of laughter. I think I may have been picking up on his mood.

Thanks for the playlist, Corannhena. I liked most of the songs, and I was commenting on things as they came up, so that also gave me something to talk about. It was mostly just things like, “I like this one. Don’t like this one. Oooh, this one’s nice. I really like this one!” Then there was one that was like, wtf is that, and I turned towards Loki’s shrine and said “Okay, that’s just weird,” and laughed. Dude has some weird tastes 😛 I’m happy that most of it was stuff that I like too.

Today I didn’t do much. I was tired and took a nap that lasted ~6 hours~ :/  I think things are good, though.


I’ve been noticing that every Lokean I know is doing something for Loki on a regular basis. Even if it’s just small offerings or writing about him. That made me panic, because what if he wants me to do stuff, and I can’t? Was this whole thing a big mistake? I mean, I like him a lot, but he seems to want his people to do stuff, and I don’t know if I can do anything.

I’m…not well, physically, so even cooking or going to the store is very hard for me. I can’t even write poetry worth a damn. All I can do is occasionally offer food, if I’m feeling up to it. My Kemetic deities seem to be fine with that. Maybe Loki is okay with it too, idk, but it does look like he likes people to be actively doing something. And I have no problem with the idea of doing stuff, I’m just worried that, what if he wants a thing I can’t do? I’m probably worrying over nothing, but now that I’ve started thinking about it, I can’t stop.

ETA: I’ve been thinking of getting some divination done, because with not having a god radio, I don’t even know if he’s even interested in me. So I was thinking of the possible answers; A, What I’m doing is enough. Cool. B, I should do more. This could be problematic; if he asks for something I can’t do, what then? I know technically you can say no, but I also know deities don’t give up so easily. Or C, Not interested at this time.

And the thought of C made me realise that I don’t want that to be the answer, even though it would stop B from being a worry. I don’t want Loki to not be in my life. I don’t even understand why I feel that way. Well, emotions are often irrational, that’s not news. I still don’t know where that leaves me.